As a divorced parent Thanksgiving can be bittersweet. Whether Thanksgiving is a holiday you have with your kids or it is a holiday your kids will be with the other parent here are some ideas to make it a wonderful holiday.
Holiday’s for divorced parents is a complicated affair and brings home the reality that life is not what you planned in a painful way.
I remember my first Thanksgiving as a single mom. I felt like a complete and utter failure with a truckload of guilt and grief. It was their dad’s turn to have the kids for the Thanksgiving holiday.
As the holiday schedule worked itself out he usually had the kids for Thanksgiving. It is probably for the best I didn’t know that the first year. It would have been too difficult to deal with at the time.
I had grown up having a family where Thanksgiving was a 4 generation affair. We always went to my one aunt and uncle’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. I knew who would be there and what we would eat.
When we separate from the kids’ father we grieve the dream of a happy two-parent family and few times are more about family than Thanksgiving. The old rules and patterns no longer apply. Holidays are some of the hardest times for a single parent, but with flexibility and creativity, you CAN do this.
Divorced Parent’s Thanksgiving Without Extended Family
Sometimes distance, work schedule, or parenting schedule limits your ability to spend holidays with extended family. If you will not be with extended family on the holiday, can you connect virtually with Skype, FaceTime, or even old-fashioned phone calls?
Decide what you are going to do to make Thanksgiving special. Are there friends you can share Thanksgiving with? Invite them over!
Many communities have a community Thanksgiving meal for people who are away from family or who can not afford to prepare a Thanksgiving meal. You could make it a tradition to volunteer at a community meal.
The real meaning of Thanksgiving is to focus on gratitude. You are making memories. You may not be able to replicate the memories you have of Thanksgiving growing up, but you can make your own good memories with your children.
Create New Single Mom Thanksgiving Traditions
Think about what new tradition you can start for your family.
The real meaning of Thanksgiving is to focus on gratitude. You are making memories. You may not be able to replicate the memories you have of Thanksgiving growing up, but you can make your own good memories with your children.
There are other options besides volunteering for a Thanksgiving community meal. You could make decorating for Christmas part of your Thanksgiving tradition. We have special ornaments and reminisce about who gave them to us or the special events they symbolize when we decorate the tree.
You could do an art or craft project or start making Christmas gifts during Thanksgiving week. You don’t need to do the activity on Thanksgiving, but start making gifts for people you are thankful to have in your life.
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Divorced and Alone For Thanksgiving
Sometimes work schedules, parenting schedules, and distance work together so that you are not able to be with family on Thanksgiving. That can be sad.
Acknowledge your sadness and then decide how to make the day special. I spent several Thanksgivings with a good friend’s family and had a wonderful time.
Do your best to be grateful that my kids have a good dad who wanted to be involved with them if they are with him for Thanksgiving. Sometimes I was more successful at this than others. But it made my grief a little less knowing that it was good for them to be with their dad, grandparents, and cousins.
If you are a single parent and the other lives far away you may have a little downtime. When you are raising children, it is a rare luxury to have a day or longer to do whatever you want to do and not be responsible for someone else. Plan how you will maximize this time alone when you are without children for Thanksgiving.
Is there a project you have been wanting to get done? This may be the perfect time to paint a room or redo a piece of furniture. You could play tourist where you live or take a day trip to a neighboring town.
Can the children take some time to virtually connect? Coordinate with the other parent to find out if there is a time that will work for their holiday schedule. If not accept this and don’t pout about it, that will just hurt your children.
Related: How to Deal with Loneliness After Divorce
What To Do For Your Single-Parent Friend on Thanksgiving
If you know a single parent consider inviting them to join you for Thanksgiving. Your friend may accept your invitation or may not want to be with someone else’s family for the festivities. It will mean a lot that you thought of him or her.
Oh, and as for feeling like a failure with a ton of guilt, I came to really cherish the time with my friend’s family at Thanksgiving.
The pattern has changed the last few years and I have had at least one of the kids with me on Thanksgiving. At the time it seemed I would never be with them for Thanksgiving, but if one thing is certain in life it is that things will change.
Remember the focus of Thanksgiving is gratitude. You can be grateful for time with family, time with friends or grateful for some extra time for self-care or to get caught up with projects that there never seems enough time to do when you are taking care of children and running a household alone.
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Tarnna Simpers
I love this-my mom made Thanksgiving her holiday once my parents were divorced and it remains her holiday to this day. Here’s to all the Single moms during the holidays-my life is what it is because my mom kicked butt.
empowerd single moms
Tarnna, Thank you so much for your encouraging words!!!